THE BEST THINGS

It is a known axiom of set theory that any THING that exists is itself in a category of THINGS. That any category of THINGS, then, contains one or more THINGS, which may then be ranked from best to worst.

Things in a set of things.

It henceforth follows that in any category of THINGS there is one that is the sine qua non ultimate plejbona defacto supreme most excellent BEST. Of those things.

THE BEST THING in a set of things.

THIS PAGE HENCEFORTH BEING a complete and total summation of all THINGS which prove to be the BEST of their respective categories. Be not in doubt as to what factors as the BEST of any subject or category from here unto eternity, for know that always having carried a printout of this page in the backpocket of your dungarees, you shall no longer suffer the ends and pains of subjective reasoning.

But learned master how will you quantify the supremity of each and every single item? Surely there is no number of qualities such condensible as to be applied to every such category of items?

TYRO, that thou art, websitereader, you know not that all things may be ranked on a scale of FIVE qualities exacting, and no more or less. This is true of all teakettles and hairclippers and lightswitches and other such assorted minutae. This is true of the known universe and the unknown space of hypothetical thought.


THE BEST SONG

Apologies are in order, fanatics and stanatics, as the BEST SONG is, like all other qualities of BESTitude, entirely objective. Fandom or popularity factor not into this highly rigorous academic analysis of what constitutes the BEST song. Instead shall be utilized in place of listencounting and droll numeric consideration a RUBRIC of especially FIVE qualities exacting which will be considered into account when placing thought into the choosing of such an important and defining factor as this. And follows hence.

  1. MELODIOUSNESS
  2. HARMONICALS
  3. INDUBITABLE AUDIOSTANCE
  4. GREATNESS OF SOUND
  5. HEARABILITY